In truth, they really don't understand what it feels like to be adopted. They don't understand the questions in your head that you wonder about almost every day and can never answer. Or the fact that your adoption lurks in the background. It is somewhat like a shadow that never speaks. There are also feelings of being an "outsider" everyday. Another lack of understanding among people "who don't get it" is why we as adoptees can't move on and forget about the adoption. I wish we could. No one has been able to provide any direction to do that.

Dear Mom of an Adopted Child, I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son’s school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident. It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have. Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them. Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was. Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it? I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes — but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights. I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes — so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all. I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted. I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know. Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby’s room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night. I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell. And I know about the follow-up visits, when you hadn’t slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants. And I’ve seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what’s being promised and what’s not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home. I’ve seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that’s emerging. I’ve seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn’t have to go through with this. I’ve seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments — while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much. I’ve seen you look down into a newborn infant’s eyes, wondering if he’s really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely. And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours. I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss. I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn’t even know you were holding for months. Months. I’ve seen you meet your child’s birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I’ve seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile ... people who love him because he’s one of them. I’ve seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he’s shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder. I’ve seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things — but you can’t protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness. I’ve seen you at the doctor’s office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little spaces don’t turn into big problems later on. I’ve seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come? I’ve seen you wonder how you’ll react the first time you hear the dreaded, “You’re not my real mom.” And I’ve seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower. I’ve seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being that it is the other way around. But most of all, I want you to know that I’ve seen you look into your child’s eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that’s just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter — and whose loss would be like the loss of yourself. *** I wrote this piece after reading an essay by Lea Grover titled “Dear Less-Than-Perfect Mom.” The post by Lea was wonderful, and it made me think about us moms who found our sweet babies through adoption, and how we face unique challenges. I hope you enjoy it, whether you are the parent of an adopted child or not. This post originally appeared on http://www.kathylynnharris.com/dear-moms-of-adopted-children/. Follow Kathy Lynn Harris on Twitter: www.twitter.com/kathylynnharris

Hi, my name is Karissa, my husband and I are looking to adopt. We have been married for 9 years but trying to conceive for 5 years. If there is any mothers who are looking to put your baby or child up for adoption please contact me at karisanchez08@yahoo.com Thank you and God Bless (:

I’m feeling even more defeated lately than I normally do. I was adopted in family at birth and was raised as my family secret. I had started questioning things at an early age, but was lied to from the start. The differences I noticed and the connections I wasn’t able to form seemed to be blamed on me for not being up to par with my adoptive siblings. At 16, my depression forced my adoptive parents hand and they admitted that I am in fact adopted and that my birth mother was someone I was familiar with — my aunt. This was at first welcome news because I knew her, I knew my older siblings. I could see myself. The problem started creeping in once it started to sink in. I knew her. She had older kids. She raised them. She relinquished me. Naturally, I was consumed with questions and the realization that I had been lied to for years. After some time in therapy, I decided to reach out to her. My birth mom started telling conflicting stories and wouldn’t outright say that she did give birth to me. Just recently, I’m 26 now, I was informed that she had been attending my adopted siblings events and taking them to lunch randomly. She’s also starting to take on more of a “mom” role with her grandkids and seemingly flaunting their closeness in my face. I’ve tried many times to get straight answers from her, but she seems to want to change details as she seems necessary. Then in person, when she is around me she wants to be around me as if I’m not aware that she’s lying. I’m not really sure how to proceed with this anymore or if I should keep trying at all. It’s caused more than enough damage in my life, but I’m not sure how to tell my adoptive dad that I cannot be around her. It makes him choose between his baby sister and his daughter. I feel like I’m losing myself all over again trying to figure out why she didn’t want me, how she continues to deliberately reject me, why she seeks out relationships with everyone around me. I haven’t pushed her for anything other than the truth. I also understand that she may not want a relationship with me. What I don’t understand is her asking questions about me to everyone around me instead of having a real conversation with me.

I have a question. My friend came over to the US from the Philippines with her newborn baby. She and the baby have been staying with me for a few weeks. Now she wants to leave the baby with me to adopt and her go back to the Philippines. I live in Illinois. She saids she can't finacially care for the child. I am already a foster parent with DCFS here. With hoping to adopt. But now she has thrown this wanting me to adopt her baby and she is wanting to leave asap, which means she won't be here when we would go to court. She has no physical address in the Philippines cause she lives here and there with different people. What should I do. I do want to adopt the child. But I don't want to have to deal with ICAB there in Philippines. Since the baby is already here in the US. She even has the babys birth certificate here with me. Can I just go through the courts here and do it without her. She saids she will sign what ever forms she needs to sign before she leaves.

Adoptions need to be done differently. Closed adoptions worked for 90 years, sure some people didn't like it. Now for the last 20 years it's been a trail to see if open adoptions work - sure they work for some people, but the majority dont work. What we are forgetting out of all this is the child. This Child is innocent and had no choice. The birth mother for whatever reason didn't want or could take care of the child and choose adoption - great now the child has two parents that love them. but now the birth-parent wants back in after all the screaming and pee and poo is done - sorry this is not a baby sitting service. These adoptive parents have paid $50, $100, $150k for this child so you really think they dont care for this child. They wanted a child bad enough that they gave up on a new car, new house, vacations, new shoes and allot of fun things to have this child. OK I know you are saying what do you know you just adopted a child - ok fair enough. But, I do understand as I was adopted as well. I understand confusion with the birth parents and hurt to the adoptive parents. So we really need to think what is best for the child. Is it open adoptions, sure those do work, but agencies shouldn't force people into that so they can make more money. Its greedy adoption agencies that profit in the end - that is it. Closed adoptions, they worked for 90 years, but not for everyone and than semi open, great alternative and gives you the right to close it. Or does it? There are laws in place that if a birthmother wants to they can get rights, if they can prove they are what is best for the child. So say this happens, the birth mother takes you to court you spend $$$ and the birth mother drags it out, is this what is in the best interest of the child? Who is being selfish here? if the birth mother really wanted what was best for the child than she would let them live there lives. So i know allot of people who dont understand adoption will have there say, but that is the issue. people dont understand adoption. Our society needs to be educated properly. I've head through out my left from people, family, and others many things and it hurts Oh your not blood, so your not really part of the family. Oh you are adopted that explains it, you not really part of the family, who are your real parents. All stupid questions. My parents are the ones that raised me and this is my family. You marry into a family, you arent blood, but you are apart of the family. The word Adoption needs to be looked at in a different way. Sorry just because we are adopted doesn't change who we are. So if you give up a child - let that child have the best life possible. If you adopt, give the child the best life possible and if you are adopted - live life to its best, care for the people who adoptive you as they are your parents. If you feel you need to find your roots feel free, but be-careful and go slow.

I want to share a real life glimpse into the world of adoption with you for just a second. Something as seemingly innocent and sweet as a Disney movie can have much larger implications for the family impacted by adoption. As my son and I were watching Tangled for the 101th time this morning, he asks me: “Mom, who’s she?” (in reference to mother Gothel) Me, choosing my words very carefully, replied: “She’s the lady who stole baby Rapunzel from her birthparents and acted as Rapunzel’s mother growing up” Because I believe it is central to my child’s healthy development to talk to him openly about his adoption and for him to be able to make the distinction between what Mother Gothel unlawfully did in this situation and what birth parents do when an adoption plan is made, I explained to him that mine and his birth mothers chose to not parent us because they were not able to take care of us and that no one “stole” us from our birthparents. My son’s immediate response was: “WERE WE BAD?” “No son. We were not bad.” Fellow friends, this is the inside mind of a 4 year old adoptee. Raw and unfiltered. This is the side of adoption that doesn’t get talked about. Doesn’t get published. Doesn’t get glamorized. Adoptive parents; Families affected by adoption in any shape, form or capacity- this is my call to you… Please, Please, Please, don’t pretend that your child’s adoption story is all roses and rainbows, and that your existence in their lives somehow negates a previous core loss. Their story matters to them, and they need to hear it throughout their lives. It is central to their identity and who they are. Yes it is hard for them to process, and yes you have to watch them endure sad and painful emotions. But you spare them no pain by ignoring this inevitable part about them throughout their childhood and then leaving them to grapple with it as teenagers and adults on their own. If you cannot handle these realities, then you are not prepared for the selfless sacrifices adoption requires on your part for your child. This made the difference for me in my life and I plan to pass it on.

A typical teenager wanting to be anywhere but here, I requested a set of luggage for Christmas. I adopted romantic images of myself traveling to places like Italy carrying a vintage distressed leather suitcase with an ornate antique skeleton key unlocking a fabulous travel wardrobe. The weeks of anticipation of what would greet me under the Christmas tree inspired a fury of research of all the places I would go. With the same eager anticipation of my younger siblings, I rushed to see what Santa had left for us and spotted the outline of an evergreen colored boxy shadow camouflaged and slightly illuminated by the twinkle of the multi-colored lights nestled in the tree branches. At closer examination, I found a soft-sided fabric suitcase with Velcro-type surface straps and a festive red bow attached to the plastic buckles. Technically, my wish was fulfilled. However, I couldn’t prevent the dissipation of the original vision of my travel adventures. I would like to think I was able to conceal the disappointment I had for this gift given to me so lovingly. Recently, I read with an interest a Women’s Health article titled, “4 Different Families Talk About the Gifts and Challenges of Adoption” that reminded me of this past Christmas gift. The article opened with the following paragraphs: Parenting is all-consuming, blissful, demanding, and rewarding. It has ups, it has downs, it has highs, and it certainly has lows. And for anyone who has the desire to parent and is lucky enough to experience parenthood firsthand, you know that nothing is quite like making your kids happy. This is especially true for parents who adopted. As you'll learn from the stories below, having the ability to change a child's life is not just an act of generosity—it's also one of the best gifts you can give yourself. As an adopted child, I often wonder why there are not more articles about the “Gifts and Challenges of Being Adopted” or including the perspective of adopted children and their feelings, experiences, and thoughts. Perhaps it is not the number of articles, but more about my own personal experience reading articles like this one. When I was about 12 years old, I can recall a memorable experience in a fellowship hall. Blocked by a cluster of church ladies, I managed to mumble a somewhat polite pardon for shoving my way through to get to the table of assorted pastries and apple juice. One of the ladies wearing a purple floral dress and white strappy sandals asked me, “Aren’t you Terry’s daughter?” My mother was the director of the church’s child care center. “Yes,” I replied and yet solely focused on the one remaining donut filled with strawberry jam resting on the silver tray, “I am.” “I just think it is incredible how your parents adopted you,” she said with her head tilted ever so slightly to the left. The degree of the angle of her head annoyed me greatly as I detected degrees of sympathy running through the muscles of her neck. My suspicion was confirmed in her next statement. “You must feel so very lucky to have been adopted by a loving family. I was fortunate to have children on my own, but if I had been unable to do so I definitely would have considered adoption,” she continued, oblivious to my cheeks turning the color of the jam contained within my desired donut. “You must wonder what your life might have been like if you had not been adopted and feel blessed to be an American.” The “must” part of her sentences must have pushed me over the edge as I aggressively nodded my head up and down, maybe grunted an audible response, and then pushed my way through to snatch the donut from its spot. I spun around and took exaggerated bites purposely permitting blobs of jelly to drop to the floor. When I reflect on my pre-adolescent response, it is the same twinge I get when reading articles about adoption as acts of generosity. And the reason is because, although not malicious, it makes me feel like that piece of luggage sitting under the Christmas tree. A present delivered and then forced to reckon with unmet expectations and expected gratitude. Technically, a husband and wife became parents via adoption, but it wasn’t how it was originally imagined - kind of unwanted, but accepted graciously. And the burden of accepting this noble and generous gesture falls to Anna the adoptee would at times generate feelings of resentment. It is not that I don’t believe there is an inherent heroic aspect of adoption, but it can (at least in my case) create this feeling of separation and difference rather than connection and belonging. Being an adopted child has ups, it has downs, it has highs, and it certainly has lows. In the end, both parent and child (adopted or biological) will have their lives altered in a myriad of ways. It is one of the most life-defining relationships you will have - and is one of the best gifts in life.

[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/04/8110e59dc12356223f7fb0660d87bf1f_view.jpg[/img] "They saved my life. And when you adopt a teenager, 90% of the time you will be saving their life." - Katie Goudge, adopted at 15. After spending 20 years of his 21 years of life "in the system," Noel Anaya shared his story on NPR's Youth Radio. He began his story with a heartbreaking statement: "Walking into court for my very last time as a foster youth, I feel like I'm getting a divorce from a system that I've been in a relationship with almost my entire life. It's bittersweet because I'm losing guaranteed stipends for food and housing, as well as access to my social workers and my lawyer. But on the other hand, I'm relieved to finally get away from a system that ultimately failed me on it's biggest promise: That one day it would find me a family who would love me." Ouch. Noel continued with his story, saying, "I use 'gray hands' to describe the foster care system, because it never felt warm or human. It's institutional. Opposite the sort of unconditional love I imagine that parents try to show their kids. In an idea world, being a foster kid is supposed to be temporary. When it's stable and appropriate, the preference is to reunite kids with their parents or family members. Adoption is the next best option. I used to dream of it. Having a mom and dad, siblings to play with . . . a dog. But when I hit 12, I realized that I was getting old. That adoption probably would never happen for me." Noel's articulate description of what his childhood was like, and particularly the loss of his dream of being adopted, provides a poignant insight into the lives of thousands of teens across the country (and in orphanages worldwide) who are growing up without a family. And it underscores a painful truth: Teens available for adoption only have a 5% chance of actually being placed with a forever family. That means of 100 kids hoping to be a part of a family, only 5 will currently see that dream come to pass . . . and 95 will "age out" and embark on adult life alone, untethered by the love and stability of a family. I've watched a lot of Wednesday's Child features introducing teens who are hoping to be adopted. Sometimes while I'm watching them, the reality of children living without families hits me hard. It hits especially when they say things like this: -"Why do I want a family? Family is basically everything." "I want to just say to people if you don't have a kid, here is a kid for you who is respectful and who is honest." "I've never really had a family. I just know it from the movies." In 2013 a 14-year-old boy named Davion Only stood up in church and begged for someone to adopt him. He told the congregation, "My name is Davion and I've been in foster care since I was born. I know God hasn't given up on me, so I'm not giving up either. I'll take anyone. Old or young, dad or mom, black, white, purple. I don't care. And I would be really appreciative. The best I could be." These are the voices of children. Children pleading for love. Children who have been through tremendous challenges. Children who have experienced unthinkable tragedy. Children who just want someone who loves them - no matter what. Someone they can rely on - through thick and thin. They shouldn't have to beg for this. They shouldn't have to do video features. They shouldn't have to perform at adoption camps, or stand up at church and ask for a family. Have they outgrown chubby cheeks? Yes. Will adopting a teen be rough? Undoubtedly. But these kids didn't ask to be born to parents who would ultimately not be able to care for them. They didn't ask to be neglected or abused. They didn't ask to be shuffled from home to home. They weren't ready for these heavy experiences. But they happened to them anyway. And now we are given the opportunity to open our homes and help them overcome. To encourage them. To provide them with love and stability, hope and encouragement, limits and consistency, patience and compassion. Each of these kids is of infinite worth, and even though they're no longer tiny and chubby cheeked, they still need love. They still need to be held. They still need to be taught and encouraged. I get that it's scary. It's a big unknown. You worry how adopting will affect your other kids. You wonder if you've got what it takes to parent a kid who has been through so much. These are my own worries. I haven't adopted a teen, and I'm not sure if I'm courageous enough to take the plunge. But it's something I'm seriously considering - because these are whole human beings we're talking about. They shouldn't be brushed off with a quick, "I can't do that," or "Too much baggage." Teen adoption is worth thinking about. REALLY thinking about.

I still can’t even believe everything that can happen in six months! My husband, Nate and I walked into an adoption agency in August of 2016 and began the process to become adoptive parents! We were so excited and we already felt so much love for the little one that is meant to be in our family. Some wondered how we came to the decision to adopt so quickly, but to be honest with you, this is something Nate and I have planned on doing since before we were even married. When Nate and I were dating and discussing what we wanted for our future, I told him I wanted to adopt. He eagerly jumped on board and that was the very first step to get to where we are!

I am an adoptee. I am completely supportive of adoption. Every person and every situation is different. I may not understand the reasons one decides to place a child for adoption, but I always support the decision. I could never place a child. I am selfish when it comes to my kids. I was not in a good position financially when I had either of them. I have never been able to give them all the things that they asked for or take them all the places they wanted to go. That aside, I have always felt I am the best person to raise them. I don't feel like anyone can love them, take care of them, or protect them the way I can because I am their mother. I recognize that is not always the case. I respect other people's choices not to parent. Despite my feelings as a mother I believe there is a tremendous amount of strength on adoption. The thought of taking a person who was physically attached to me for nine months and passing them to someone else is unbearable to me. In that position, that act would break me. It would end me. There would be no way to repair the shattered pieces of my former self. For those in open adoption, to see that child again and again would be like a knife stabbing me in the chest with every breath. I don't know where you find the strength, but I'm glad you do. For the parents who adopt, it must take great courage and confidence to raise a child who starts off as a stranger to you. I don't even like other people's children that much. I can't imagine moving one in and giving him or her the same love and affection as a biological child. Yet I know that you do because I was that child. It's not a charade or facade. It's real because I felt it. In recent years I have read too many stories of adoption wrapped in trauma and loss. What we need more of are tales of everyday people sporting invisible capes. I see you. No, adoptees should not be obligated to "give thanks" to their adoptive parents. They should feel thankful though. Adoption shouldn't be about sadness or emotional injuries. Adoption is about love and life and family.

I am looking for a male coparent for stepparent adoption . The father of my newborn son who is only a few days old has left me once I told him I was pregnant. I would like to find a loving father who does not have the ability to have his own children to be a father to my son. I would like to keep my role as his mother as i love him very much. My son can live between both households and we can share custody once a relationship is established as his father.

We have a seven year old boy that we have had since July, 2014. We adopted him and his sister in June, 2015. Since adoption Ws behaviors have worsened 180 degrees. He intentionally is urinating on carpet in his room; in the bathroom he sprays his urine on the walls and vanity. He's very hurtful towards his sister with aggression. She's fearful of him. We can not leave them together in a room alone they must have total supervision. He's disrespectful to us and his teachers at school. He suffers from ODD, ADHD and PTSD. We have him in the best trauma therapist. He even had an inpatient stay for stabilization in a treatment hospital. My Husband and I briefly talked about possibly doing an adoption resolution; as he is destroying our family. Am I Wrong?? Has anyone done this? Any input or advice would be so appreciated Feeling SO emotional.

Almost a thousand prospective adoptive parents received an e¬mailed notice advising that Independent Adoption Center (IAC) was declaring chapter 7 bankruptcy and closing permanently, effective immediately. IAC is licensed in eight states, including Florida, with an office in Tampa. The abrupt closing of all IAC offices and its programs has left many families in dire straits, both financially and emotionally. Those in the middle of an adoption are now hampered in their ability to complete the adoption, and others have lost substantial sums of money which will hinder if not eliminate their ability to adopt. This is a situation that should never happen. The legislature should mandate that adoption agencies segregate and hold adoptive parent funds in a separate trust account, and prohibit use of adoptive parent money until earned. Comingling hopeful adoptive parent funds with agency operating funds allows the premature expenditure of these monies at the agency's discretion with little financial oversight. The end result can shatter the hopes and dreams of prospective parents, who seek to create or enlarge their families through adoption. Prospective adoptive parents should make inquiry with adoption agencies as to their fiscal management policies in this regard. The Fellows of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys have pledged to assist those families that now find themselves in an untenable situation as a result of IAC's bankruptcy. The Academy will assist these families in order for them to obtain their files from IAC, or to have them transferred to other reputable licensed adoption agencies. The Academy will also assist in advising those families as to be best way to proceed with regard to their prospective adoptions. There will be no charge for these services. A list of volunteer attorneys is posted to the Academy website at www.adoptionattorneys.org Jeanne Trudeau Tate, adoption attorney www.floridaadoptionattorney.com

In this blog I will be promoting different resources, groups, studies, and advice for those effected by post adoption or post birth maternal separation disorder. No matter if your symptoms be an inability to connect to babies or physical PTSD you get for a reason you don't remember, this is a blog that may help you and those around you.

I was born in the early 1960's and put up for adoption. It was supposed to be a secret but others notice things about me that were different. Although I was loved, I looked nothing like the family I grew up in and one time someone commented on it.. Any comment that I was different than the rest of the family or different would make the mother that raised me very angry. She would tell me, "Ignore the comment. They don't know anything." I remember overhearing my mother who was very angry about a comment that someone made saying that my brother and I weren't really brother and sister and that I was from a different family. I was all she could do not to tell that person off but she couldn't because the person who made this comment was someone that I didn't know. This was an off handed comment that was made at a social gathering. I always felt that something about me was different but I didn't know what it was. I was never made to feel different from my family, so I thought I was imaging it. I was labeled the girl or woman that was different, odd or distant and was a victim of bullying which was intense at time during 5th-8th grade. I've never had a lot of friends and the friends that I had I rarely got close to as I've been hurt by some many people outside my family (people who were my friends in school would then turn on me), that by the time I got to middle-school, I didn't care anymore. I totally disconnected at this point to people outside my family, as this was my way of protecting myself from being hurt. I put a wall up which was very difficult to break. Perhaps it was because I was too clingy. I don't know. This was something my mom had difficulty understanding as it was believed that someone who was distant, who didn't show any affection towards others came from a dysfunctional family. Sometimes my mom didn't understand me and couldn't understand at times why I felt or thought a certain way. My relationship with men were distant and didn't last beyond six months. In my lifetime, I was unofficially engaged for a couple of weeks to someone I didn't love.. I was not surprised when the relationship didn't work out. I had been abandoned so many times that this was nothing new. It was my MO and the story of my life when it came to men. Eventually I gave up on dating. I never married nor did I have children. Sometimes I have regrets about this but most of the time I don't. One thing which is difficult for people around me to understand is that I have extreme sensitivity to things people do or say to me or others. Teachers in report cards always made the point that I was extremely sensitive to things that I cried when there was no reason to. They couldn't say much when in 4th grade my mother told the teachers that they would be very upset if someone put glue on their chair and they sat in it and it ruined their outfit and the kids laughed about it. I was so upset I started sobbing. At least two of these teachers I know would have used the paddle on any kid who did something like that to them. They would have been furious.. Back then, paddling was used as punishment. I was never paddled. When I was a child, a unkind remark or someone scolding me would bring me to tears and crying. I can pick up when there is tension in a room. I have difficulty being in the same room with someone I know that doesn't like me (I have to tune it out which I can do most of the time). I can't stand being in a room with an individual who has anger issues and I've been able to pick them out when others have either ignored it or questioned my judgement. A couple of times I've had to leave a room or leave the store I was in because the anger I was sensing was so intense that it was scary. My mother always thought that this sensitivity came from the fact that my birth mother most likely was upset while pregnant with me. She wasn't a victim of violence when she was pregnant with me and the family that I was raised in there was no violence which made me wonder how I picked up on people who had a anger issues (perhaps the bullying had something to do with it). When my birth mother contacted me, I later found out that it was very likely that she was a victim of domestic violence or was threatened with violence (not by my biological father). She didn't tell me the detail, but she was in a bad relationship at once point in her life. I started shaking after the phone call ended and they I started to cry picturing her being hurt and then picturing this man coming after me as a child which I have no doubt that this most likely would have happened if I was with her. My crying turned into sobbing uncontrollably which I did for almost an hour I had a very difficult time functioning at work and I was on the verge of tears. This went on for about 2 days. Even typing this is bringing tears to my eyes. I had to talk to the counselor about this. The mother that raised me told me that she should have never told me this. Sometimes I've wonder if my sensitivity to people who were angry was related to perhaps picking up what was happening to her, even though I knew nothing about it at the time. .

This is our adoption story. Though words cannot describe how much our daughter has enriched our lives, I would like to try and share our journey with other people. I hope it will give them hope, maybe even inspire and be a bridge for those seeking adoption. Adoption changes your life in a way that is almost impossible to express. I feel so blessed we had the resolve to take that step. If you have ever thought about adoption, read our story. In it, you will find courage, hope and inspiration. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0785S5HL8/ref=abs_add_sc_

I'm originally from India and my basic background is that I was adopted by people from the UK but before I was adopted, I was passed through two different families before being handed to my eventual a-parents. 4 years later, my a-mum died and my a-dad remarried within a year. We moved house a lot and I moved schools several times. It was only at 13 that I really started to question my background and who I was, but the words didn't come until I was much older. At 16, my family moved to Spain for several years and I then moved to London for 8 years on my own. These 8 years in London were my most destructive as I engaged in an abusive relationship which I felt was just and what I deserved. I became a shell of my former self who people considered smart, happy and the do-gooder. When I eventually got myself out of London, I returned home having met a man who listened to me and understood me in ways no one has ever tried before. He got my frustration with life and my difficulty with trust and abandonment. He understood my irrational fear of being left behind and left alone for too long to ponder on where he might be or that he might leave me and forget me. This is the man I married, I couldn't have asked for a better man, but now I am for some reason ruining everything we have stood for. With more commitment, the more I get angry and confused. I don't understand what is going on with me, but all the fear and anger and rage within me is building up to a point that I cannot control it any longer. I watch myself in our arguments and I want to stop myself, but I don't know how. I'm sure this seems completely insane to some people, but it feels like this darkness that takes over the loving and compassionate me and makes me into the thing I hate most. Our marriage can't take many more of these arguments and irrational outbursts- I want to gain control and to understand how to cope and deal with things. Can anyone help me please?

Stepparent adoption is a common form of adoption, where an adopting stepparent is willing to assume financial and legal responsibility of his/her spouse’s children, and release the noncustodial parent of parental responsibilities. The process has permanent legal consequences, and will be a huge psychological change for the child, the biological parent, and the adopting family. As the stepparent adoption procedure takes place among people who know each other, the court may forego the requirement of home visits and adoption hearings. This helps quicken the process, and makes it easier for the stepparent to receive consent from the noncustodial parent. Here are a few considerations to keep in mind before opting for stepparent adoption. [url=https://adoption.com/blogs/5270/adopting-a-child-5-mistakes-you-must-strictly-avoid/]Adoption[/url] will bring a major change in the lives of the child and the birth parent. After the formal process is over, a legal relationship begins to exist between the child and guardian. Now, the adoptee will be entitled as a legal heir of the adopter, among other permanent changes. It is, therefore, important to consult an adoption attorney and understand the legalities involved. While some federal laws do apply to adoption, states make their own adoption laws based on their statutes. An attorney can inform you about the state adoption laws and legal precedents that can help you with adoption. If your current spouse will be the stepparent, then the biological parent needs to be aware that the adoption will make your spouse the child's legal parent, and also responsible for all legal rights and responsibilities of parenthood. Additionally, the child will no longer hold claim to inheritance from the previous family. As part of the adoption procedure, you need to present certified copies of the child's birth certificate, documents of your marriage to the current spouse, and the birth parents’ divorce documents. If the biological parent is deceased, then a certified copy of the death certificate will be required, otherwise his/her service address needs to be presented. These documents will be handled by your attorney at the preliminary adoption hearing. Post-adoption, the adopting parent may hold a claim in the child’s property. Remember to document the details in the adoption petition, and present them during the hearing. The certificates can be related to Social Security payments, land or tangible property, and trust funds inherited by the child. During the preliminary court hearing, you will have to file a form that reflects the noncustodial parent’s consent for the adoption. If the parent has approved, then the hearing is not likely to face major difficulties. The consent form relieves the noncustodial parent from all further child support obligations. A situation may arise where the birth parent might not be willing to cooperate with the procedure. Parent’s consent is of utmost importance, and the lack of it can obstruct the procedure. If you are unable to locate the parent, then the court might permit you to publish a legal notice in a newspaper. If the other parent still does not respond, then the consent is nullified for the adoption. [url=http://www.dlgteam.com/]A child custody lawyer can help you[/url] devise a strategy to avoid a trial. The process of adoption is initiated with a Petition for Adoption filed by you and presented to the court. You need to state the elementary information regarding your identity and the reason for adoption, along with details of the child to be adopted. Certain counties and states may ask for a Supplemental Petition with additional details – such as employment, previous marriage(s), military service, and other children’s details. Based on the details shared with the court, the judge will announce a hearing date for the petition – you will need to attend. At the hearing, the judge will hear the case to question the parties involved. Make sure that you meet with your attorney to finalize the strategy for the hearing, and advise about how adoption hearings are conducted in courts. The hearing will conclude with the judge stating a date for the finalization of the adoption. At this stage, a social worker from the [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_Protective_Services]Child Protective Service[/url] (CPS) will visit your home to conduct a home study to understand more about your family. The meeting is primarily conducted to help you prepare for adoption, evaluate the current capability, and the home environment of the prospective family. It is, therefore, important to understand the requirements of the evaluation process. There are multiple agencies that offer initial informational sessions or orientations to help you through the adoption process. During the meeting, the social worker can interview you several times to form a relationship with you and understand your family better. This will help him/her to assist you with the adoption. This is the final leg of the adoption procedure, where the judge will make his/her ruling on the adoption petition. If the judge is satisfied with the documents and the intent of adopting the child, then the ruling may be in your favor. The finalization hearing is attended by the adopting parents, the child, the adoption attorney, and the CPS social worker. The judge awards an adoption certificate issued by the court, which states that the adoptee is the legal child of the adopting parent. Once the adoption is finalized, you can apply for the amended birth certificate of the child to be issued. Stepparent adoption laws are formed with the view to provide the best home environment for adopted children. Although the parties involved are related, the procedure may get complicated at later stages. Hence, it is important to opt for legal aid and avoid potential challenges in court. This way, the court can ensure that the children enjoy good relationships with both parents. The above points will help you know more about the aspects that need to be taken care of when opting for stepparent adoption. ([url=https://pixabay.com/en/mother-daughter-family-park-child-1171569/"Image Credit[/url])

Whether you're an adoptive parent or not... whether you're a foster parent or not.. you can invest in the future of adoption and foster care by taking a few actions with your children today. Some of these are subtle, but can help create a generation of children who decide that they will be the last generation to know what an orphan is in the world. Open Door Policy - be the household on the block where all the kids come and hang. Create an atmosphere where children are welcome -- not just the popular kids, but all kids. Your Children Are Important - be sure they know that each and every day. Some parents dismiss kids in important conversations. Take the time to value what your children have to say and let them know that you don't discount their opinions just because of their age. Be a Global Parent - It's not easy for whole families to travel around the world, but travel (on any scale) broadens the mind. Expose your family to new ideas about the world. Plan family time once a month to watch a documentary (please... no reality shows) on a different culture. If you do get a chance to travel, take a look at a few cultural highlights on the way to Disney. Use these experiences to engage your children on what it's like to live in another culture or a different part of the world. Read - If you read, they read. It's a basic formula. Try picking up a book on a different culture and use it for discussions around the dinner table. Find books for your kids on different cultures - age appropriate of course. As a kid, one of my favorite books was "Island Boy" about a young boy growing up in Hawaii. I found the culture fascinating. Compassion - Be a parent of compassion for other children. Support a child or a program in a different part of the world. It could just be $10 a month! But imagine the difference it makes in the life of a child in another country. And over time, see what a difference it makes in the lives of your own children. Get them involved in learning about the culture or cultures your favorite charity represents. I'm biased, of course, but Orphan World Relief would be a great starting point! Regardless, involve your children in the decision and be sure that when you write the check each month, you talk about it as a family and engage with your own children about something they've learned about another culture. Involve Children in Supporting Causes - Find a cause locally or internationally you believe in and work with your children to make a difference. Do an annual garage sale and give the money to a charity of your children's choosing supporting kids (locally or globally). Have them come up with their own ideas of how they can support a cause. Learn a Language - Enroll the family in a language course where you can learn together (don't be too concerned if your kids do better than you). Connecting with another language helps connect you with a different culture. The younger your children are exposed to languages, the easier it will be for them to learn languages later in life when they need to in high school or college. Eat food from other Cultures - Even if it's just grabbing tacos, take the time to engage with the food of another culture. Try and find a local restaurant and not a chain with people working their from other cultures. It's probably easier than you may think! Research the food. Learn where it comes from and talk with your children about ways you can make it at home. Talk with Your Children - Every idea has one central theme: conversation. Engage your children in conversation... talk about other people groups. Help your kids talk about the differences and similarities of others. Try to help them become better world travelers by calling out things that don't make sense in our own culture as "different" rather than passing judgement by saying something is "stupid". Pose questions to your children to help them think through why something might be the way it is... and then research the truth! Volunteer with Others Less Fortunate - There will always be children who need a mentor. Sign up to be a big brother or a big sister. Spend time with your nieces and nephews. Help a single parent out at Church by befriending them and their children. Even if you do all of these things, there are no guarantees that your kids will decide to adopt or foster other children. They learn by what you do. Consider making room for one more child in your home through adoption. But even if you cannot adopt, you can help prepare your children to be better world citizens by following some of these simple ideas. It doesn't cost anything but time and a little creativity. Be a global hero to your children by making them global heroes in their own right. More blog posts about orphans, adoption and life: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dougriggle/detail/recent-activity/posts/